Banana Muffins a la Saarah

Yesterday afternoon I was busy cleaning, writing, and doing all the things that I normally do during the day. I decided to go to the kitchen to get some coffee(a common occurrence, I might add). I was somewhat surprised to see little Miss Saarah, standing atop a stool, and making banana oatmeal muffins. As you might imagine, I was somewhat taken aback to make this discovery. Not only had she set out to do this, but she had managed to procure the necessary ingredients, equipment, and recipe. What’s even more spectacular is that, as far as I knew, she was unable to read, much less follow a recipe!

Furthermore, how she was able to get the food processor down from the shelf above the stove is a real mystery. I would have figured that it was much too heavy for her. That being said though, I suppose if she can suddenly learn to read and measure, it’s plausible that she could figure out a way to obtain heavy kitchen equipment from very high places. Kids, eh? We never really give them the credit they deserve, I suppose. When I inquired about her new found skills, she refused to tell me, and instead gazed lovingly at me, insisting that this was all meant to be a big surprise.

Alright, so perhaps I helped, though just a little. She very helpfully asked all sorts of questions, and made her opinion of my methods known. She queried why I should be using such yucky-looking bananas, and why would I possibly want to mash the bananas. She was insistent that she be allowed to taste the mashed bananas. I informed her that they tasted exactly like whole bananas, but she wasn’t prepared to believe me until she had found out for herself. When two thirds of the muffin cups were full, she started to get worried that we were running out of muffin batter. I proceeded to tell her that this was supposed to happen, and that once you make muffin batter it doesn’t go on forever. I believe her worries were put to rest when each and every cup was full.

After playing in the snow, we all came inside, the smell of freshly baked muffins still lingering in the air. After making a great mess by the door, clothes everywhere and snow melting on a much larger portion of the floor than ever necessary, we all partook of the muffins, and they were good(you can always tell when the kids really enjoy what they’re eating, as this will be the only time they are both quiet at the same time).

A T-Rex Named Sue

While Tevye was cracking jokes about Sue the Tyrannosaurs Rex, he didn’t realize that she was standing right behind him.

Last spring Sue the T Rex came to the Museum of Natural History in Halifax, and Tevye and I demanded that we be allowed to go and see for ourselves. Nicole, ever eager to please, said yes. Awesome! So we got all bundled up and drove to the big city. For some reason it was STILL snowing in April, and our car still had no working heater. Let me tell you, it can be a long drive to Halifax when you have no heat in the car and it’s below freezing, and since there’s no heat, in order to keep the windshield clear you have to keep the windows open. Thankfully we now have a new car and no longer have to deal with that.

So even though it was so cold, Tevye was insistent that he be allowed to wear his T-Rex t shirt. I informed him, in case he’d forgotten, that it was cold and he’d need to wear a sweater and jacket on top. He was rather put off by my suggestion, insisting that Sue the T-Rex needed to see his shirt. I once again informed him that Sue wasn’t living, and as such, wouldn’t care what was on his shirt. For some reason, this matter took some reminding before it sunk in. I had to summon my inner John Cleese and remind him that she had shuffled off her mortal coil, was stiff, bereft of life, she rests in peace. She’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This was an ex-dinosaur!

He eventually figured it out, but he was still insistent that he be allowed to unzip his sweater upon arrival at the museum. “Fine, it will shut you up, er, I mean, yes, once we’re inside.”

We were all very impressed by the gigantic size of this beast, and I think that, in the end, Tevye was pretty glad that it wasn’t able to roar, walk, and eat any longer.

Saarah also enjoyed looking at Sue. When we went to another part of the museum and saw a black bear, well that was just too darn scary for her and she buried her head in my sweater until we were clear.

 

01.25.2012 Cute, No Matter What

As I was looking through pictures of the kids, trying to come up with something to write about, I noticed something. I realized that children can get away with dressing pretty much however they want, and for some reason they will still end up looking like cutie-patooties.

Take, for example, the picture above. Saarah is wearing a delightful dress, is smiling nicely, and she looks very cute. Now, compare that to this:

She is now wearing what could be described as quite possibly the worst pair of pants, and the most horrid sweater on the face of the earth when worn separately. Saarah has gone one step further, and combined the two in order to make something so terrible that even Don Cherry himself wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Not only that, but she has food all over her face, her hair is a mess, and she looks as though she hasn’t had enough sleep. Still though, she manages to attain “cutie-patootie” status. How children are able to do it is completely beyond me.

If an adult tries to do the same thing, they certainly don’t come out looking cute. Again, I use Don Cherry as an example. Last week I believe he was going for “flamboyant pirate”, but there was nothing even remotely endearing about it.

Now you might be thinking, oh sure, Saarah can pull it off, but can Tevye? Let’s find out!

Handsome as anything, eh? This was taken at our wedding, and this fine looking gentleman was my best man. Actually, completely off topic, he was by far the best “best man” in the whole world. He helped me get ready, and helped me pick out footwear for the wedding, and he was happy as a clam the whole day. When I started to worry because I was running late, he just looked at me and gave me a big hug, completely reassuring me that everything was going to be fine.

Okay, back on topic now. Alright, so here’s one of Tevye proving my original point:

 

Alright, so this was a slightly more difficult task than I first anticipated. Not because I didn’t believe in the point I was attempting to make, but rather because Tevye is generally dressed nicely. Not in this picture, though! Seriously, who dresses like this? Still though, I believe that my point has been proven.

01.24.2012 Kids in Space

After we were finished sliding down the hill, some of us on sleds, others on their bums, we crossed the street and the kids were desperate to play at the playground. Playgrounds are significantly more fun when it’s cold out, if for no other reason than the slides are ridiculously fast. Thankfully the padding of the kids’ snow pants seems to protect their bums on impact. It’s not like they’re gently sliding off the end, and only sometimes missing their footing, oh no. They tend to shoot off the end with all the force and speed of a rocket, and, while it hasn’t been proven or tested, I believe that if the angle of the end of the slide were pointed up instead of down, Tevye and Saarah might end up orbiting the earth. Of course if this were to happen, I would only chuckle and exclaim with all of the gusto I could manage “PIGSSS IIIINN SPAAAACE!”, such is the loving father that I am.

Of course, this has never happened, nor will it ever happen, but wouldn’t it be great if it did! As a matter of fact, let’s ask Saarah if she thinks it would be a good idea.

“Hey Saarah, do you think it would be fun to be launched into space using only a snowy slide at the park and slippery snow pants?”

Well, that looks like an emphatic “yes” to me. Well I guess that means that I’m going to have to get busy constructing a slide.

01.23.2012 Saucer Speed

“Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, [Saarah Chayah Callow]“

Yesterday, while it was cold, was the perfect day for sledding. With the temperature, taking the windchill into account, hovering around -18, we got all bundled up, each wearing no less than 247 layers. Okay, perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but watching Saarah walk with so many clothes on is a bit like Randy in “A Christmas Story”. The feeling of cold was intensified, as I had just been watching a cycling race taking place in Australia, where it’s been between 30 and 40 degrees. There were shots of people is outside in shorts and t-shirts, drinking beer on pub patios and I must admit that I was slightly jealous.

So after spending 30 minutes putting on clothes, we headed out the door. We all had lots of fun, rocketing down this hill, Saarah on her saucer, and Tevye on his crazy carpet. We only picked up the crazy carpet for Tevye on the way out, so there was a bit of a learning curve. Can anyone explain to me why it would seem like a good idea for children, when flying down a hill, to perpetually let go of the handles? Each time they’d let go, and then put their hands on the ground, they would inevitably flip over(Saarah would laugh, but Tevye, well let’s just say that he didn’t derive the same level of enjoyment from the experience).

As you can see, Tevye didn’t always make it very far before ending up sliding down on his bum, with his sliding apparatus progressing down the hill at a much higher rate of speed without him on top. We tried endlessly to convince him to try out Saarah’s saucer(he’s been fine using it for the past year), saying that perhaps he’d find it faster/easier/better, but he was going to have none of it. Fine, Tevye. Enjoy your sore bum.

Sometimes there’s just no reasoning with four year old boys.

01.20.2012 More Babies Than You Can Shake A Stick At

One of Nicole’s coworkers has children older than ours, and they had some toys/clothes that they didn’t use, so she gave them to us, which was very nice of her. Among the items was, you guessed it, yet another baby for Saarah. This is perfect because if there’s one thing that my daughter needs, it’s another baby. My goodness, you should really see her room. It’s starting to look like an orphanage in there. She could open a store, selling children, priced for quick sale. “Crazy Saarah’s Discount Orphanage – How do I sell children so cheap? I must be CRAZY!!!”Ahem… So yeah, Saarah has a new baby, and she’s been schlepping that thing around the house ever since.

Of course, her playing with a baby means that the baby is going to take naps(obviously!) which means that each time I open my mouth for the next week I’m going to be shushed by a tiny three year old girl because baby is sleeping. If I have the audacity to continue talking, then she’ll get mad at me because I will have inevitably woken the baby. Ugh, I’m pretty sure that the baby  isn’t awake. She’s made of plastic, which means she’s made from fossil fuels, which means she’s actually composed primarily of dinosaurs. If she’s suggesting that my talking at a normal volume(it’s not even like I’m shouting) is going to reanimate dinosaurs, then she must think quite highly of my vocal talents!

“I appreciate the compliment, Saarah, but I can assure you that your baby will remain asleep just as long as you continue to pretend she’s asleep. If she’s having trouble going back to sleep, just pick her up and rock her. It always worked with you.”

01.19.2012 “I’m on a Boat”

If you’re currently saying to yourself “Man, ANOTHER picture from when those dorks traveled to British Columbia this past summer? Seriously? Haven’t they done anything since?! Ugh, I’m so tired of this nonsense”, suck it up. It’s my blog, and I’ll put any darn pictures up that I please. If you don’t like it, then write your own darn blog. As a matter of fact, if you do, then I’ll make a point of reading it and then complain silently to myself about the particular pictures you decide to put up. I wont dislike it enough to stop reading it, mind you. No sir, just enough to complain to my computer monitor. Ahem, pardon me. Sometimes I get carried away, though if you’ve been reading this blog long enough to complain about the picture selection, then I’m sure you’re aware of my propensity to hop aboard the Tangent Express, and most times not getting off until we arrive at Ramble Station… Darn it, I’ve done it again.

Okay, so in the summer Grandpa John was kind enough to take us out on his boat for the day. We went out to Sidney Spit(a small island located a short boat trip from Victoria) for the day and had lunch. Saarah really enjoyed being on the boat, except for the noise and the bumping up and down. After a short while she decided it might be better to sit right up next to Tatte.

The whole time that this was happening, I was wondering to myself why John, a sea captain capable of taking us a short jaunt on a calm day, would be causing the boat to jump around quite so much. After a bit, I could take the mystery no more. I looked up and saw that he had handed the reigns over to someone slightly less capable than himself.

Geez Louise, Tevye! Man, I should have known. Whenever Tevye’s allowed to drive anything, it tends to end poorly. As a matter of fact, a couple years prior to this, Tevye was also allowed to pilot the vessel for a short while, and here’s what happened:

“Oh sure you can steer, Tevye. I’ll be right here, so nothing should go wrong” said Grandpa John

Two minutes later:

So what have we learned? Don’t let Tevye drive the boat!

01.18.2012 The Damnable Dora Stroller

When we ventured to BC this summer, we didn’t really want to bring the gigantic double stroller with us, but we really needed something for Saarah to sit in if we were out for an extended period of time. It’s not that she can’t walk, or that it’s even too far most of the time, but she just moves sooooo slowly. Since she’s only three, she gets distracted by pretty much anything that isn’t what she’s meant to be focused on. She also has the world’s shortest legs, so even when she is progressing in the right direction, it’s at an obnoxiously slow pace. To remedy this situation, we went to the dreaded Wal-Mart and purchased a cheap folding stroller. Since Saarah was present, we couldn’t buy any old stroller. Oh no. It absolutely, positively, HAD to be the one with Dora on it.

So, pleased with her discovery, we left the store and carried on with our lives. I had assumed, incorrectly mind you, that Saarah would be seated in the stroller only when she had gotten too tuckered out to walk any further. As any of my family can attest to, she sat in that damnable thing every single chance she got. If we happened to be somewhere that the stroller was, then you could bet that Saarah’s tiny bum was parked in the thing.

The picture above was taken when we were on the ferry to go to Vancouver to visit my Dad and my Step-mother. It was first thing in the morning, and we were having some breakfast. Three of us decided to sit in the nice chairs at the table, so that we could eat and look out at the beautiful scenery that is coastal BC. Not Saarah! She decided that she was going to either sit in that stroller or die trying. So sit in it, she did.

You might be inclined to think, as I was, that constantly strapping yourself into a seat might be inconvenient, especially if you need to get up and do something. Saarah had figured out two possible solutions to this conundrum in a very short period of time, though. She could either sweetly ask her uncles or grandma to bring her things, which usually worked(it sure as shoot wasn’t going to work on me!), or she very quickly taught herself to scoot along, all the while remaining in her beloved Dora stroller.

Now the stroller lives in the trunk of the car, and we don’t have to deal with it nearly so often. If only Saarah could live in the trunk and I wouldn’t have to deal with HER nearly so often…

01.17.2012 We All Play in an Orange Submarine

We spent a day in Halifax on the weekend, and after a morning of wandering around the mall, we all needed a break from shopping(me, especially). There was a playground that the kids used to really enjoy going to, but when we tried to take the kids in September, the whole thing was torn up. On a recent trip, Nicole and Saarah discovered that the old, worn out playground had been replaced with this new fangled orange submarine. It’s got the fastest slide I’ve ever seen on a playground(it’s practically a vertical drop!), and a rope net ladder, and not one, but two working periscopes. The only problem with the periscopes is that they don’t look at anything. You’re either looking at the adjacent buildings, or into the sky above the harbour. You’d think that somebody could have planned that better. Oh well, the kids don’t seem to care. It bugs the heck out of me, though.

While Tevye was content to play either at the top or in the belly of the submarine, Saarah much preferred to be atop the orange beast, watching over all who entered her vicinity. She managed the rope net ladder with surprising ease. Nicole informed me that when they were there only a few weeks prior, she was unable to get her head around the very idea of it.

Oh, the toque that Tevye is wearing is actually mine, but like all of my Leafs headwear, he manages to steal it. This one was a recent gift , and is by far my favourite one. Thanks again, Sarah!

01.16.2012 A 300lb Bass, Just Waiting to be Caught

Last summer I took Tevye fishing. I was 99% certain that we wouldn’t catch anything, but that didn’t stop us from trying. We packed up all our gear, and some snacks, and we headed out. He, very helpfully, carried the tackle box, dropped it three times, and resigned that perhaps it would be better if I carried it. That’s fine, it matched the fishing rod, camera, and snacks that I was already carrying. We hiked through the bush, fighting off deadly spiders, giant man-eating birds, and the occasional tiger, until we had made our way to the lake. Hmm, that really doesn’t sound overly believable, does it? And if it were to be believed, then you’d have to question not only my sanity, but my ability to properly care for my children. I mean, who’s going to take a boy who, at the time, was not quite four through such a dangerous place, all for the sake of not catching fish?! It would certainly make for a better story though.

Alright, so we drove 25km into the woods, to a hidden lake that very few people even know about. It doesn’t show up on many maps, but I discovered it when out on a bike ride one day. There was a guy fishing at the time who told me that if I ever told anyone about it, he’d hunt me down. When asked what sort of fish were in the lake, he told me a tale of the giant bass, who, if legends were to be believed, weighed upwards of 300lbs.

Alright, so there’s a small lake behind my mum’s house that I took Tevye to. People catch fish in there all the time, but I was confident that he and I wouldn’t catch a thing. Well it turns out that we not only didn’t catch any fish, but we managed to lose three hooks! We had fun though, and it was a good bonding experience.

I later learned that I had been going about it all the wrong way, and caught loads of fish. Of course, Tevye wasn’t around that time, and when he did show up with Nicole and Saarah, do you think I could catch anything? Not a darn thing. Oh well, there’s always next summer.