Stay the Heck Out!
Come along, wont you, on a wonderful journey called a “tangent”. The best part of this one is that I don’t know if it can even be considered a tangent, due to the fact that I’m leading with it. Although, if you think about it, I’m now on a tangent WHILE talking about tangents. Okay, I do believe that is enough usage of the word “tangent” for one day.
There’s a man walking around town one day, when he spots a shop with a large clock in the window. He thinks to himself “Oh, what luck?! I need to get my watch repaired, and here’s just the shop to do it”, and in he strolls.
As he enters the shop, a little bell sounds, so as to alert the kindly old watch-maker that a customer has entered. The man walks up to the counter, removes his broken timepiece, and places it on the counter. He then informs the shopkeeper that his watch stopped working yesterday, and he would like it fixed.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t fix watches here.”
“No, I’m a mohel(a man who performs ritual circumcisions).”
“Then why on earth do you have a giant clock in your window?”
“What do you propose I put in the window?”
I’ll wait until your uproarious laughter dies down until I continue
On Saturday night, as the kids were getting ready for bed, Saarah was sitting on my lap, and honking my nose. Eventually the honking stopped(thankfully), but she held on to my nose. While she was holding my nose with one hand, her other hand was holding my face so that I couldn’t move, all the while, she was looking very intently at my nose.
It should be noted that both Tevye and Mama were present, so I have witnesses to verify the interaction that follows:
“Saarah, dear, what are you doing?”
“I’m looking for something to eat”(this was said as though it were the most natural thing in the world)
A little shocked, put-off, and chuckling, I inquired “did you find anything?” At this point her eyes grew very wide, and a look of giddy excitement could be seen on her tiny face.
“YES!” was her only response.
My chuckling grew more intense, as did my attempts to escape from her surprisingly firm grasp.
“What did you find?” I said, fearing the reply
Nobody, that I’m aware of, has ever used the words “nose gum” so it was even more hysterical. It was at this point that I managed to pry her pint-sized hands off my face and hand the “tornado of destruction” to her loving mother, while managing, through my worried laughter, to tell her to “stay the heck out of my nose!”
Like the joke I started with, there was really no appropriate image available that I would be willing to put up. Really, what do you propose I put in the window?