The Crappiest Mystery Ever


Since “All Aboard the Poop Train” was written a couple of weeks ago, Tevye has drastically improved his ability to deficate in a Tatte-Approved Location(ie his potty).  I was even thinking how funny it was that I had spent all that time writting and lamenting the fact that I felt he may never be able to poop in his potty, and the very next day he suddenly got it.  I figured it was better that he poop in his potty on a regular basis, than me getting easy writing material in the form of poop stories.

I had been sitting pretty for a couple of weeks, not worrying at all about Tevye managing to make it to his potty in time, and still enjoying the novelty of not cleaning poop up off the floor, when, a couple days ago everything changed.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying my lunch and doing some general computer related activities, when up waltzes Tevye.

“Hi Tatte”

“Hi Tevye, what can I do for you?”I said, while not really paying attention and still looking at the computer.

“There’s poop on Harold, Tatte”(Harold is his toy helicopter from his train set).

At this point I look at him, and then at Harold, only to discover that he speaks the truth.  There is poop shmeared all over the toy, and Tevye’s fingers.  I believe I may have started crying at this point, but I don’t recall.

I asked Tevye where the poop was, to which he replied “In the Potty”.  I discover that there was some poop in the potty and there appeared to be finger prints in it.  Gross.  Oh well, what can you do?  I cleaned off Tevye’s potty, Harold, and Tevye’s hands.  As bad as it was, I figured that it could’ve been a lot worse.  I washed my hands and continued doing whatever it was that I had been previously.

A few minutes later, in strolls Saarah, looking Proud-As-Punch.  Upon reaching me, she advises me that now would be a good time for a snack.  As I turn to ask her what she might like to nosh on, I see it.  Her shirt and pants are covered, and I do mean covered, in tell-tale brown streaks.  At this point I excuse myself, go into a different room, and let all of those bad words that I have to keep to myself out into the atmosphere.  So I take Saarah, get her changed, and re-inquire with Tevye if there was more poop about.  He tells me that there isn’t, but at this point I don’t believe him.  I spent the next thirty minutes tearing the house apart looking for poop.  Unable to find any, other than the numerous toys that I’d discovered with stinky brown marks, I resign that there really mustn’t be any more.

I never did discover any more poop, which was good.  Supper time was next, though I really didn’t want to eat anything, or even be near food.  When something like this happens, it takes quite a while before the smell of poop will leave my nose alone.

They had supper, baths, and went to bed.  Boy was I glad THAT was over.

The next day I woke up full of optimism that there would be no more missed potties.  Yesterday was an anomaly, I told myself, and truly believing my own words, and I went about my morning routine.

Some time between toast and Saarah’s nap, I was out of the room for three minutes, and I came back to discover that Saarah’s hair and clothes were all wet.  There was also pee all over the floor.  Holy smokes, I can’t believe that Tevye just peed on his sister.  I assume it was a complete accident, and this isn’t something that was premeditated by Tevye.  Somedays he’s so mischievous, I really have to wonder if he’s not plotting against me.  Other days, Tevye and Saarah really seem as though they’re in cahoots.  There’s no way that mischief can be that well timed from two different fronts without some sort of connection between the two events.

Since then, and that was a couple days ago now, there have been no more accidents, Baruch Hashem.  Let’s hope it stays that way.


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