It was an Accident, Not an Evil Plot


Last night at supper was one of the first times, if not the first time, that Tevye has shown any sign of being embarrassed.  While what he did was indeed wrong, the look of shame and embarrassement on his face clearly said to me that he’d learned his lesson.

Over the past month, Tevye has only successfully used his potty on a regular basis, and I believe there has only been one or two accidents.  One of the times was my own fault, as I took the kids to the back yard to play and forgot to bring his potty outside, or to put a pull-up on him.  At one point I had to go inside to get a few things, and by the time I came back he’d peed.  He knew that he shouldn’t have wet his pants, but like I said, I believe that was more my fault than his.  The only times he’s pooped on the floor recently have been if he’s been on his way to his potty, and just couldn’t quite make it in time.

Since Thursday, we’ve had grandparents staying with us, and apparently this change in routine was just enough to throw off Tevye’s potty-progress completely. He’s just been a wreck since last week, and while it’s horribly frustrating for me, as the one who gets to clean it up, it’s also quite understandable.  I’ve been doing a lot of poop-related-reading lately, and apparently, changes to routine will quite often throw off potty progress to some extent.

I should state that I have no objection to the grandparents coming for a visit, and I’m certain that they personally had nothing to do with Tevye’s setback.  I’m sure that if anyone had come to visit for more than an afternoon, Tevye would’ve reacted the same way.

So Tevye’s been peeing wherever over the past few days, and clearly hasn’t been happy about it.  Why this change in our household has such an effect on young children remains a mystery to me, but that’s the way it is.  Yesterday was no different, and by supper time we were working on his third or fourth pair of pants for the day.  He was eating his supper very nicely, thoroughly enjoying his rice and tofu, though not so sure about the vegetables.  At one point his whole expression dropped, his cheeks turned bright red, and he looked up at me with tears forming in his sad little eyes and told me that he’d peed in his pants.

The subject of Tevye’s peeing had come up quite a bit over the past few days, due to his lack of control, and so when I quickly got up and led Tevye to his room, the conversation quickly started again.  Everyone wanted to know if he’d wet his pants yet again.  I got him out of his wet clothes and cleaned him off.  I really can’t describe the absolute look of dismay on his face throughout the whole ordeal.  Normally I would’ve made a point of reminding him that he was a big boy and that he needs to pee on his potty, and not in his pants.  This time I opted instead for a hug and a kiss.  This was a boy who knew that what he’d done was wrong.  All I could feel was empathy for my poor little boy who had simply made a mistake.  Even now, 16 hours later, I’m getting quite sad just thinking about the look he had.

I remember when I was young, I believe I was four, I was at daycare one day and while having a nap I had wet the bed.  When I woke up I did what I thought was the right thing and told the daycare worker what had happened.  She was a lady who really shouldn’t have been working with children.  She could’ve responded by stating that what I had done was wrong, but accidents happen and now we should get you changed.  She could’ve dealt with the situation in a controlled tone of voice.  She did not do any of these things.  She yelled at me about how bad what I had done was.  She yelled at such a volume that, while I had been napping in a different part of the daycare, everyone knew what had happened.  I didn’t need to be yelled at, I knew what I did was wrong.  I hadn’t been lying down for a nap and been plotting how I could get under their skin.  This hadn’t been some great scheme I’d been working on for weeks leading up to the event.  It was an accident.  All I could think of at the time was that I’d been asleep, and how could I know I needed to pee if I was sleeping?

I recognized that look on Tevye’s face last night as my own from many years ago.  I knew exactly what he was thinking and how he was feeling, and all I could think of was that incident I’d experienced 23 years earlier.

One Response to “It was an Accident, Not an Evil Plot”
  1. mom says:

    As horrible and uncalled for as it was for you
    to be scolded for an accident, it has made you more empathic towards your own son. Tevye will feel that love and empathy always. He may forget the incident but will know that whatever happens in life his parents will support and love him.

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