Stay the Heck Out!

Come along, wont you, on a wonderful journey called a “tangent”. The best part of this one is that I don’t know if it can even be considered a tangent, due to the fact that I’m leading with it. Although,  if you think about it, I’m now on a tangent WHILE talking about tangents. Okay, I do believe that is enough usage of the word “tangent” for one day.

There’s a man walking around town one day, when he spots a shop with a large clock in the window. He thinks to himself “Oh, what luck?! I need to get my watch repaired, and here’s just the shop to do it”, and in he strolls.

As he enters the shop, a little bell sounds, so as to alert the kindly old watch-maker that a customer has entered. The man walks up to the counter, removes his broken timepiece, and places it on the counter. He then informs the shopkeeper that his watch stopped working yesterday, and he would like it fixed.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t fix watches here.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I’m a mohel(a man who performs ritual circumcisions).”

“Then why on earth do you have a giant clock in your window?”

“What do you propose I put in the window?”

Ba-dum-bum

I’ll wait until your uproarious laughter dies down until I continue

On Saturday night, as the kids were getting ready for bed, Saarah was sitting on my lap, and honking my nose. Eventually the honking stopped(thankfully), but she held on to my nose. While she was holding my nose with one hand, her other hand was holding my face so that I couldn’t move, all the while, she was looking very intently at my nose.

It should be noted that both Tevye and Mama were present, so I have witnesses to verify the interaction that follows:

“Saarah, dear, what are you doing?”

“I’m looking for something to eat”(this was said as though it were the most natural thing in the world)

A little shocked, put-off, and chuckling, I inquired “did you find anything?” At this point her eyes grew very wide, and a look of giddy excitement could be seen on her tiny face.

“YES!” was her only response.

My chuckling grew more intense, as did my attempts to escape from her surprisingly firm grasp.

“What did you find?” I said, fearing the reply

“Nose Gum”

Nobody, that I’m aware of, has ever used the words “nose gum” so it was even more hysterical. It was at this point that I managed to pry her pint-sized hands off my face and hand the “tornado of destruction” to her loving mother, while managing, through my worried laughter, to tell her to “stay the heck out of my nose!”

Like the joke I started with, there was really no appropriate image available that I would be willing to put up. Really, what do you propose I put in the window?

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Comments
29 Responses to “Stay the Heck Out!”
  1. sillyliss says:

    Ahahahahahaha. You know, my morning actually NEEDED a mohel joke followed by a nose gum joke. Saarah is so precious. I can say that, because she’s probably not going to be anywhere near my nose anytime soon. 🙂

  2. donna says:

    I’m not sure I want to know what “nose gum” is…. 🙂

  3. Pink Ninjabi says:

    Awesome photo of Saarah! She’s sooo cute! Totally cheered up an otherwise meh day. Thank you so much for sharing. 😀

  4. koco says:

    one day, not long ago I watched as my daughters friend (both 3 at the time) leaned over, picked my daughters nose, and ate what she found there. never laughed so hard in my life.

  5. Your blog is great so I nominated you for the Sunshine Award. If you haven’t already received it and want to pay it forward, go to http://wp.me/p2bz5x-8V.

  6. SassySass says:

    I laughed, I cried, this post was better than Cats! Nose gum. Oh my goodness my sides hurt from laughing. Can’t wait to read more of your posts!

  7. Both jokes are hilarious! I didn’t know mohels had shops, though. I kinda thought they just had their tools, and went wherever they were needed. I’ll have to remember nose gum for future jokes…

    When we pick our son’s nose and he kvetches, we always say afterwards, “Thank you for your generous donation to the hungry children in Africa.” (My husband’s invention, not mine.) I’m worried he will begin to hate the children in Africa someday.

  8. This really makes me miss living with small children.
    On a cute-and-not-disturbing-note, one time I told my roommate’s 2 year old daughter that she was adorable. She insisted she was not. I told her it was a good thing, and again, she disagreed. I have yet to convince her of her own cuteness.

  9. Nose gum. Kids say the darndest things. That’s awesome!

  10. earlbrown78 says:

    Thats funny. I have a post that is very much the same kind of humor and I’m all about shameless promotion so check it out.
    http://earlbrown78.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/funny-thing-happened-at-the-supermarket/

  11. Awesome post! Hilarious! I miss those days. The only comments my 20-year-old son makes these days is: “What’s for dinner?” or…”Can I borrow your car?”…ANYWHO…You’ve been nominated for blog of the year! Check it out at: http://tenaciousbitch.com/2013/01/03/star-awardblog-of-the-year/

    CONGRATS!
    TenacoiusBitch

  12. AJ Blogger says:

    I’d still say that your predicament is nothing compared to the Mohel’s.

  13. Erin says:

    Haha that’s hilarious. I guess this is what I have to look forward to one my son is older!

  14. shaqumbach says:

    I have to say, nose gum is definitely a new one for me! what isn’t new, is the concept of my kids attempting to mine my nose for gold! strange little creatures these kids can be sometimes huh? 🙂

  15. jwolff3232 says:

    That’s hilarious. I loved the intro. I want to write a book called, But I Digress because of the tangential nature of my thinking. Entertaining read!
    http://jwolffblog.wordpress.com/

  16. danshaw01 says:

    Hysterical! The things kids say… we were at a mall here in Los Angeles a while back with our four-year-old nephew when we passed an older lady who had clearly had “some work done.” Well, as we walked past her our nephew very innocently looked up to his mom and said, “Hey mommy, how come that lady’s face looks like THIS?!” as he proceeded to put his hands on his face and pull it back as tightly as possible. We had to force ourselves not to chuckle and use this as a “teachable moment.” Thanks for sharing the nose gum story….hahaha!

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