The Giant Feather Hat


One night, many years ago, I was out on the town with a friend of mine. After a hard day of working as a pedicab driver, pulling hefty folks around town, we decided a beer was in order. We hit up a local joint that prided itself on how ridiculously class-less it could become. Bras hung from the rafters, and patrons were encouraged to toss their peanut shells on the floor. Being the sort of individual who insists on throwing trash in the correct disposal, this took some getting used to.

As we sat there, enjoying the beer and the elegant ambiance, a man waltzed through the door and sauntered up to the bar(despite what you might be thinking, this is not a joke, though I would’ve been more comfortable if it were), and ordered a drink. Now, this man was particularly noticeable because of his chosen chapeau for the evening. Imagine an elongated cowboy hat, completely covered in fluffy white feathers. Well, whatever you’re currently picturing, make it three times more ridiculous. Okay? Yeah, that’s the one. The man wearing the hat was a muscly, tanned individual, and I believe he had the top three buttons on his shirt undone.

Having obtained his drink, and the two of us having obtained our quiet chuckles, Old Feather-Hat himself decided that the best place to situate himself in the predominately empty drinkery, was immediately adjacent to us. One might have thought that he would stare off into the distance, or perhaps at his bowl of peanuts, or even at the multitude of braziers overhead. Well, obviously he didn’t do that. He stared right at us. Very intently and silently.

We tried to continue our conversation, but given the fact that he was making us incredibly uncomfortable, and up until a few minutes ago our conversation was about his hat, we said nothing, crunching peanut shells beneath our feet, and listening to Johnny Cash.

A moment later the hat spoke(well, technically it was the man beneath the hat, but we could still only see the hat). The words that left his mouth have also left my memory, but what I do remember, is that it was as run of the mill as chatting about the weather, or where he might find the library. No mention of the hat whatsoever. He just lived his life as though he wasn’t even wearing the damn thing!

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. There’s the proverbial “elephant in the room” and everyone just pretends that everything is normal. Drives me nuts.

Now I know that some of you, upon seeing that I’d updated my blog, and just leaped into it like I’d been here this whole time, might have been confused. This was my plan. To quote Sheldon Cooper “You’ve fallen victim to another one of my classic pranks” and “I used trickery and deceit”.

My lovely wife is nagging me to start blogging again. And some lady that I met over the summer said that she read my blog and wished that I would start again(it was a little strange. I felt famous, in the most minor of ways). I jokingly told my beloved that I’d blog again if I got 2000 followers. Of course, I then went and checked to see how many I had, and it’s 1,963, I believe. Given that I’m a man of my word, I shall start, though I don’t know the specifics of it yet. I may “re-brand” my blog. I was working for a bit, and I’m going to be working(hopefully) again, and the kids are both in school now, so the title doesn’t really work anymore.

I’ll start putting some things together, and once I get to 2000, I’ll start posting. Sound ridiculous? Well, that was the deal!

9 Responses to “The Giant Feather Hat”
  1. Thanks for post! You had me laughing out loud. I’m glad you’re back from hiatus. I’m going his “like” 37 times, but it may only register once, just so you know, so I’ll be hoping for a new post soon. Listen to your wife. She sounds very wise.

  2. sillyliss says:

    If I could only follow you 37 more times. That would be something, no?

  3. Jamey Edge says:

    Good Stuff. I am new follower and look forward to reading new blogs. I too am a proud father and appreciate your posts, because they strike very close to home. Nice job!

  4. dirudira says:

    Count me in, which makes 2013

  5. dirudira says:

    You are definitely a crowd puller. Try running for election. Ha ..ha.
    We Indians say ‘ holy ashes’- waste not want not. Keep posting. I want to read something senseless now and then just to keep myself down to earth.
    With love

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