Local News Agency Confirms True Identity of Spiderman

After years of speculation and wondering, the true identity of the superhero known as Spiderman, has been confirmed.

For many years, it was rumoured that a young photographer, by the name of Peter Parker, was the man behind the mask, but recently that has been disproved. Parker had everyone believing that he was responsible for spinning webs, any size, and catching thieves just like flies.

When confronted with this news, Parker refused to comment.

No, the true identity of our hero is actually a six year old boy named Tevye. Our roving reporters were able to snag a few minutes of his time, and get this short interview:

“So, Tevye, how long have you known that you were in possession of super powers?”

“Since before Tatte’s birthday.”

“Who is “Tatte”?”

“That’s my dad. We call him Tatte. It’s yiddish.”

“And how did you come to discover that you were, indeed, the wall crawler?”

“I wanted to see if I could climb up between these two walls, and I could! First I just went a little bit up, and then I got higher and higher.”

“Were you surprised when you got off the ground?”

“Yup! Okay, I’m done. Can I have a cookie now?”

“Huh? Oh, no, I’ve got a few more questions, if you don’t mind.”

“Okay, but then I want that cookie you promised me.”

DSC_0348“You’re very articulate for a six year old boy.”

“Hey, what do you mean “for a six year old BOY”? Are you saying that because I’m a boy I’m somehow expected to be less articulate that a girl of the same age?!”

“N-n no, that’s not wha…”

“I’ll have you know that I was the best reader in my whole class last year!”

“Please, that’s not what I meant!”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s not. Alright, on account of you insulting me, you only get one more question.”

“What? Only one?!”

“Yes, and you’re lucky that I don’t get picky, and consider that as two questions already. Alright, fire away.”

“Thank you for being so understanding. Would you say that you’ve been using your powers predominantly for good, or for personal gain?”

“Given our previous kerfuffle, it seems like a poor choice of question to ask, considering there’s a strong likelihood that I could take offense to that. That said, I’m not going to. To answer your question, though, I’d say that generally I’ve  used my powers for the betterment of humanity, at least on a local level. I’m not traveling the world and solving all of humanity’s problems. I may have super powers, but I’m not made of time! Also, I’m six. I can’t fly around the world by myself, especially given the cost of flying these days, and the fact that I don’t have a job. There are times though, when  I’ll use my powers for personal gain.”

“Could you give our readers an example?”

“Sure. Sometimes I climb the walls to get at the cookies in the container on top of the fridge, but don’t tell my parents, okay?”

“Your secret is safe with me. Alright, well, thank you for your time, Spiderman.”

“You’re welcome. Now where’s that cookie?”


5 Responses to “Local News Agency Confirms True Identity of Spiderman”
  1. toemailer says:

    We would love to post that at toemail if you do not mind? http://toemail.wordpress.com

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