Old Man Tevye

The picture that I chose was taken many years ago. You may have already noticed, as both the kids are in strollers, and my beard is significantly longer. Also, it’s pretty obvious that the ice rink in the picture ISN’T the one in the town that we live in now(duh!). Wait a minute, I just went to preview this post, and there’s no picture showing up. Maybe there won’t be a picture at all! Oh well, deal with it. Or don’t, I don’t care. Put up a big stink, ranting and raving about something trivial. Call the newspapers and the radio stations to voice your complaints.

Last winter, I suffered an unfortunate accident. I was rescuing orphaned kittens from an angry grizzly bear that was being ridden by an alligator, when something happened. As I was holding three of the four kittens with one hand, and punching the bear in the nose with the other, I slipped. My feet shot out from underneath me, and I came crashing down on my left hip. Not a big deal for someone who, at the time, was a healthy 29 year old man.

Except that it was. I managed to break my hip. At the time, while I was in a great deal of pain, I didn’t suspect that it was actually broken. I mean, what 29 year old breaks his hip?! The answer? Me.

So, long story short, I had the delightful experience of staying for 4 nights and 5 days in the deluxe accommodations of the local hospital, where I sampled the marvelous cuisine, enjoyed the bevy of staff members who were all eager to please, and best of all, I’ve got enough hardware in my hip now, that I’m thinking about opening my own hardware store. “Hip’s Hardware – You’ll have to shop elsewhere if you’re looking for a square”. Get it? Square? I’m hilarious.

So, as anyone who’s broken a hip knows, it means that you’re immobile for a looooooong time, especially if they fix it, as opposed to just replacing the darn thing. It also means that your hip is sore for a long time. Depending on the activities of the day, I still find myself saying “Ugh, my hip is sore”, to which my wife tells me that I should probably take it easy, and this isn’t in the list of things that the doctor said were alright to do. She doesn’t know, she wasn’t there(at least not at the last appointment, when the doctor told me that my hip was officially tremendous and I can do anything I want now. Except heavy lifting. And squatting. And jumping off of things. And the dishes. And sweeping…). It also means that I now get to say “There’s a storm a’brewing! My hip’s acting up”. My wife will then sweetly tell me that if I say that one more time she’s going to ensure that I get to enjoy the fine cuisine at the local hospital for a long time.

So anyways, I’m pretty much back to normal now, and as winter is coming on faster than anyone in Canada would care for(it’s not that bad. I’ve grown to enjoy winter), it means that we’re back spending Sundays at the ice rink with the kids.

This Sunday, when the skating time was almost up, Tevye was getting tired(he’s flying around the rink now. Holy smokes. He’s improved so much since he started last year, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. And Saarah went the entire way around the rink without falling and without holding onto anything. I was very impressed). He could have said “Tatte, I’m tired and so I’d like to take my skates off now and then go home and have some lunch.”

But he didn’t.

“Tatte, my hip is getting sore, so I think I need to rest for a bit.”

He then proceeded to tell me that his back was also “tuckered out”.

So it was decided that I, along with my darling daughter and my 65 year old son would go home and have some lunch.

The way I broke my hip may or may not be as I’ve told it in this post, but I can assure you it DID happen.

5 Responses to “Old Man Tevye”
  1. sillyliss says:

    Oh my word, fit of giggles over here. Also, please let me know if we should expect an unusually short winter this year? If your hip says it’s so, it’s so!

    • Well I don’t know about over there, but it’s been sore lately, so I can only assume snow is in the forecast here. Hip aside, it certainly seems like winter is going to be a doozy this year.

  2. adelew2013 says:

    I truly enjoyed your story. I cut my finger on a food processor at work, my first year of marriage,31 years ago, and my boss asked me if I have now made the processor treif!!!! That job lasted 6 months and I have cooked many meals for my family since that accident, all of them kosher!!!!

  3. My 3-year-old likes to tell me she’s dizzy ever since that last big vertigo attak her Mumma had. Priceless, aren’t they?

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