The Griswold Family Christmas Tree

Given that all of the handsome husbands in this house happen to be Jewish(alright, so there’s only one, but his dashing good looks are so intense that it’s been said that there’s enough handsome for three men), we celebrate Chanukah(see “Sucks to Christmas, We’ve Got Doughnuts“).

But wait, order one winter holiday now, and we’ll send you another at a ridiculous cost. Operators are standing by.

Since my darling wife isn’t Jewish, we also celebrate Christmas(if you think that form of intermarriage might be difficult, let me assure you it pails in comparison to one of us being a habs fan, and one of us being smart). As such, we put up a tree, and watch Christmas shows, and eat fattening Christmas foods(another excuse to get on my bike and pedal my legs off), and all that good stuff.

We could go to the Sobey’s parking lot and buy a tree, but what fun would that be? Given my attitude of “If you’re going to do something, make it count”, we don’t do that.

DSC_0645 (2)We saw an ad for a tree farm about 45 minutes from here that we go to every year(I think I may have written about getting our tree previously, but I’m not 100% on that. I could look it up, or I could not. I’m in the middle of other things, and don’t have time for all that junk).

As usual, this year there was 20cm of snow on the ground and it was still coming down. It was also -12C. We could’ve gone the week prior with no snow, and a much warmer temperature, but that didn’t sound like any fun.

DSC_0651Half way out there, and I’m somehow managing to find our way through back roads without a map(Really, Mum. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true!). Thankfully, when the roads started to get really bad, a snowplow pulled out from a side road and lead the way for the next 10km.

Eventually, he was done and we were on our own.

DSC_0652 (2)Shortly thereafter we arrived at our destination, and the hunt began. I, taking a page out of Clark Griswold’s book, chose a tree that was clearly too large. Tevye said that he thought it might be too big to even fit in our yard.

DSC_0657“It’s not going in our yard, Tevye. It’s going in our living room.”

(“Hey Clark, where are you going to put that thing?!” “Bend over and I’ll show you!”)

We did end up finding just the right one. Now, I may be Jewish, and not an expert on all things Christmas, but I’m not sure I believe the kids when they say that in order to determine how “right” a tree is, the covering of snow must be tasted.

DSC_0656 (2)It was the right size and shape, so what do I know about picking trees?(picking noses, on the other hand…)

Wearing my lumberjack attire, I chopped the tree down and dragged it home, where it had to be defrosted before going in the living room.

That evening I provided moral support to my wife and children as they decorated the tree. We only had one mishap…

DSC_0682 (2)He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. But thankfully we caught the mistake before he was decorated into the tree, having to spend the next three weeks disguised as foliage. I suppose if he wanted to sneak up on someone, all cartoon-style, that would’ve provided a great opportunity.

While I was certain I would be able to spend the evening exploring the deeper spiritual meaning of my glass of beer, my services were eventually called-upon.

DSC_0728 (2)And with the star firmly(ish) placed atop the tree, the job was complete. Complete, that is, until after the kids were in bed, at which point my darling wife came and fixed the whole thing.

Kids, thankfully, don’t notice that their work has been modified.


6 Responses to “The Griswold Family Christmas Tree”
  1. Tangles & Tiaras says:

    Hi there …I just love your blog and your humour lol even if I’m not that Jewish ….but I have been nominated for blog of the year and as per the rules I’m to pay it forward ….Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah …. Pop over to my post Fine art of appreciation to find details 🙂

  2. suzjones says:

    I found your blog from another blog and I must say that I enjoy your writing very much. It brought a big smile to my face.
    So Happy Chanukah and Merry Christmas to you 🙂

  3. lovingthem says:

    Lol. My partner always redecorates after the kids go to bed. And since they are only three, she has to do it every night. You’d think she’d just give in and let it be a mess, but no. She is determined that for the 10 hours they are asleep, it will be perfect.

    • hahaha, you’d think that after a few days they’d resign to the messy tree, but that’s just not the case. My wife was the same way when the kids were younger, and would re-decorate each day.

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