Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…

The two stinkers have discovered how jokes work, and have been attempting to put them to good use. It all started one day in the grocery store. As we entered the second hour of my wife trying to figure out exactly which shampoo will do the best job of causing large quantities of her hair to end up in the drain, the rest of us had to figure out some way of entertaining ourselves. I had already examined all of the nutritional section(for some reason these two are right next to one another), and had determined I could make a killing if I started an organic toothpaste company. Tevye and Saarah decided to take another approach – telling jokes.

It should be stated that up until this point in his life, Tevye had never told a joke that fulfilled the requirements of what constitutes a joke.

“Hey Saarah, what kind of dog can you eat? A hotdog!”


We all found it hilarious, not because it was legitimately funny, but because we weren’t expecting something with a punchline.

Fast forward to the present day(you can pretend you have a flux capacitor-equipped DeloreanĀ  at your disposal, if that helps with the whole idea of time travel. Even after you’re finished with this post, why not pretend you have one. I know I’ll be watching the speedometer very closely on the way to work tomorrow, in the hopes that I can travel eight and a half hours ahead. I’ll let you know if I’m successful).

Tevye is the proud owner of a book of jokes(it’s just pictures of me), and he thoroughly enjoys tickling our ribs. Unfortunately for the rest of us, there’s a list of about five that he really enjoys telling, and not a day has gone by that he hasn’t told us the same damn jokes.

“Why couldn’t the elf pay for his groceries? Because he was a little too short!”

“What do cannibals do on New Years Day? They have friends for lunch.”

We’re all a little tired of the same jokes day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day, so I thought I would teach him some new ones.

What’s a good time to go to the dentist? Tooth Hurty. It’s at this point that Tevye will begin to explain the joke to me, even though I’m the one who told it.

“Tooth Hurty! It sounds like 2:30 but it’s tooth hurty, because your tooth hurts.”

Ugh, yes Tevye, that’s the joke.

I then made the terrible mistake of teaching him “Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock…(repeat three times) Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange ya glad I didn’t say “Banana”?

Aside from Tevye once again explaining the joke to me, his sister has taken to making up her own version of this joke, and there’s nothing funny about “Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Banana who pulls down his underwear”.

Maybe I should’ve gotten them psyched up about folding laundry, instead of telling jokes. I’ll consider this to be a lesson learned. If your children are younger than mine, don’t follow my example. Once you go down that road, there’s no escape.

Save yourself!


4 Responses to “Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…”
  1. CharleyGynn says:

    I had two children in the toilet this Sunday at the pub who had also found this fondness of telling “jokes.” That was just for about two minutes while I was changing my babies nappy, I don’t think I could cope for days maybe even weeks. Thanks for the heads up, doing the laundry is definitely going to be the “best thing eveerrr!!”

  2. sothislife says:

    You taught them the banana joke….noooooooooooooooooooo

  3. christine says:

    You also told jokes over and over, remember “gas pump” or “ten dirty diapers”. It’s pay back time, ha ha.

    • Yes, yes. The “ten dirty diapers” joke was brought up by more than one person following this post. The difference is that that one was hilarious, and still is to this day. The “gas pump” joke was only because a particular brother of mine thought it to be the best thing since sliced bread.

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