Can You Hear Me?

Posted by Moishe Callow on February 28, 2012 · 89 Comments 

The kids have been playing a game lately which involves plenty of shouting and ridiculous child-logic. I don’t know that it’s a game, so much as it is a way to drive me nuts. Of course, finding new and innovative ways of driving their poor tatte nuts can be a game, in and of itself.

I’m quite convinced, actually, that after they’re tucked, warm in their beds for the night, stories having been read, and cheeks having been kissed, they put their hands behind their heads, the look of smug, self-satisfaction plastered across their little faces. They exhale slowly, and exclaim “A job well done, Tevye(or Saarah… especially Saarah), very well done, indeed”. They then drift off to dreamland, thinking up ways to further their agenda of putting me in the Nut House before my next birthday.

This picture really proves my point. Look at the expression on Saarah’s face. If that doesn’t say “I think we’ve almost done it, Tevye! Just a little more and he’ll be committed for sure!”, I don’t know what does.

Alright, so the game is basically this: They put their fingers in their ears, and shout(obviously they’re shouting – they can’t hear themselves) “CAN YOU HEAR ME, TATTE?”

Each and every time I try to explain that by them plugging their own ears it does nothing to limit my ability to hear them shouting at me. Not only that, but since they respond, they can clearly hear me, as well! For some reason, they don’t believe me. I will then further explain that since I have heard their question, and am now trying, in vain, to answer it, this should be an indication that I can, indeed hear you.

This game will generally go on for six to seven hours each day, and I will die inside a little more with each passing round.

I suppose, of course, that I’m guilty of having exactly the same logic when I was Tevye’s age. I can very distinctly recall being worried that the sound of the toilet flushing in the middle of the night might wake my slumbering parents. Not that I had fear of getting in trouble for using the washroom in the middle of the night, just, well, I didn’t want to wake them up. Obviously, the most logical way of combating the extremely loud waste-removal sounds emanating from the bowels of the toilet, was to close the lid and sit on it, applying as much pressure as humanly possible. While this was going on, I would simultaneously plug my ears and hope for the best. Since my parents never woke up due to my flushing of the toilet, I can only assume that my method worked.

Perhaps Tevye and Saarah just aren’t applying enough pressure when plugging their ears!

 

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